DIII Mascot Challenge

Well, the offseason is officially here (again), but I know there are some of you out there who just can’t get enough DIII tennis. To fill the gaping void in my life, I have invented the DIII Mascot Challenge. Everybody knows that DIII has some of the most unique and amazing mascots on the planet, but I want to crown “The Best Mascot in DIII Tennis.” What better way to accomplish this than to create a bracket? After all, everyone loves a bracket.

Here’s how the bracket will be done:

1. Teams will be seeded by national ranking. Since there are 31 nationally ranked teams, I figured it would make the most sense to have a draw of 32. To fill in the last spot, I arbitrarily selected 6 teams just outside the national rankings and rolled a die to see who would get in (Tufts, Brandeis, Coe, Rhodes, Franklin and Marshall, and Occidental). I placed the top 4 teams in separate quarters (as 1 seeds), the next four teams in separate quarters randomly (as 2 seeds), the next four teams in separate quarters randomly, etc. This is basically how tennis tournaments are normally done, and added a little more unpredictability to the draw.

2. You guys will vote on the winners. The polls will be on the side bar, and a new round of voting will be done every week until we’ve crowned a champion.

3. The winning school will receive something. I haven’t decided, but I have some good tennis-related paraphernalia lying around. That’s it.

The seedings are obviously not done based on any perceived mascot strength, so I’m expecting some upsets. You can vote for whatever the hell reasons you want, but here are some criteria I will be using:

1. Unique-osity. How unique is the mascot? If it’s super unique, that’s bonus points in my book. There are certain mascots, however, that are unique for a reason and will probably not be getting my vote (I’m looking at you Poets)

2. Who would win in an actual fight between the two mascots? This basically screws Swarthmore, but like Demitri Martin says, sometimes I would rather watch a fight between the two mascots that watch the actual teams play each other. Jumbo vs. Polar Bear? Awesome. Sage Hen vs. Bantam? Borderline illegal. Tartan vs. Garnet? Let’s just hope it doesn’t come to that.

3. Team Colors and official mascot logo. I know it should come down to the mascot and the mascot alone, but team colors will definitely be considered. Purple is absolutely ubiquitous in DIII. It works for some, but not for others. The Cows? Yes!!! The Kingsmen? Not so much in my opinion. On the other hand, sometimes a great artist can make a lame mascot look cool or a cool mascot look lame. (C’mon Stags!)

4. Arbitrary preference. Hold up, I’m making arbitrary preference a selection criteria? Well, yeah. I’m sure most of us will be voting on arbitrary preference anyways. I might as well institutionalize it.

Here’s a link to the bracket.

Let the games begin!

We’ll start off with Emory’s region

1. Emory Eagles vs. 8. Tufts Jumbos

I’m just trying to picture how this one would play out if it happened in real life. The Eagle could dive-bomb the elephant all it wants, but it’s never going to be able to take it down. Even if it manage to blind the elephant, causing it to slowly wither away and die, there’s no way the Eagle would actually kill the elephant. On the other hand, a lucky swipe of the trunk could completely brutalize the eagle. Plus, have you seen Tufts’ mascot? Just adding the tusks makes the letter T so much cooler, and blue is one of my favorite colors. As far as Emory goes, wow! I’ve never heard of an eagle being a mascot before! It’s not like there’s another team on this list that uses the same mascot. Even the picture makes it look like a bastardization of the Patriots mascot (either that or Dillon Pottish wearing his hat so nobody can see his eyes). You all know where this is going. Tufts in the stunning 8-1 upset! Let’s see how the voting pans out.

4. Middlebury Panthers vs. 5. Case Western Spartans

Once again, I’m gonna go at this from the angle of that actual fight between the two mascots. A panther could totally hide out in a tree and pounce on a Spartan as he traipses through the woods with his red cape and shield, but, assuming 90% of my readers are men, we’ve all seen this scene. If a ten year-old Spartan can take down a mutant wolf, a full grown one would brutalize a panther. This is absolutely no contest. The school colors are a non-factor, and the logos are equally lame. Plus, a panther could never ever thrive in the middle of Vermont. I’m going with the Spartans all the way.

3. Pomona-Pitzer Sagehens vs. 6. Swarthmore Garnet/Phoenix

This battle seems like no contest on the surface, but a recent change in the Swarthmore mascot culture makes it closer than it appears. Swarthmore is one of those schools that goes by many names. I’ve always known them as the Garnet, but their official mascot is actually a pheonix. In a battle of birds, a phoenix is definitely going to take down a hen, what with it being immortal and everything. If you go to a Swarthmore match, however, you will here “Go Swat!” more than anything related to garnet or a pheonix. Swatting a Sage Hen, especially a Hell Hen, is going to nothing except get you pecked to death even quicker. I’m also disinclined to pick any school whose mascot is a color. Do you think you’re Harvard? No. Get out of here. Blue and orange is an awesome combo.Sage hens all the way!

2. Johns Hopkins Blue Jays vs. 7. Gustavus Golden Gusties

Everything about the Gustavus mascot is cool. I love the lion, and the Lion King-esque logo thing they got going on. I also love their coat of arms, and their colors. I like Goooooooooooold! (Could someone please tell me the significance of the three crowns and everything else). On the other hand, the Hopkins mascot is classic. Baby blue and black is just a phenomenal combination. I think sometimes they win their matches because their opponents are distracted by how awesome their jerseys are. Plus, the blue jay gets huge points for being such a unique mascot. I also grew up rooting for their lacrosse team to dethrone the evil Blue Devils. I like the Gusties, but I’m going with the Blue Jays in double OT.

That’s my two cents. Please vote this week to decide the winners! Thanks and happy training this off-season!