By: The Hype Guy #5DoublesFTW and Top Dog Wannabe #heinrichmanuever
In a surprise hit post from D3West yesterday, you all read about the 10 players you encounter in DIII Tennis. This article gained a lot of traction, made us go #VIRAL on some random topical site about tennis, and garnered 15 retweets from loyal followers. The article also generated some buzz and some action from some of our most avid readers, including none other than Matthew “The Heinrich Maneuver” Heinrich of Stevens and teammate Jacob Thigpen (i don’t know which nickname is his. Is it Pepe le Pew?). Well, the two have come up with another fun article for us – “The 5 Types of D3Tennis Bloggers,” which you will probably find is a lot similar to the five main Men’s writers of the blog. Unless there’s some other DIII tennis blog going around that I don’t know about… Anyways, hope you enjoy this light reading and a little bit of humor from some of our most loyal followers.
The “Region Overcompensation” Guy
This guy’s “pride” in his region’s strength is starting to look like insecurity if we’re being honest. That’s why he only cares about the teams in his region from the power conference. Even then, he only really cares about the 2 or 3 teams in that conference that are contending to get his region on the national championship scoreboard. He’ll give the rest of the conference teams a shout out and maybe even a season preview article if he “has the time.” He hopes that middle tier teams from his region drop into the 30-40 range so D3 Regional can toss them in his regional “black hole” and he has one less article to write. That being said, he is usually pretty accurate with predictions because of his ability to objectively pick teams using his head and not necessarily his heart (as long as they aren’t between his region and someone else’s), but that’s usually because he doesn’t really like any teams to begin with.
The Over Reaction Guy
This writer gets super freaked out about any small developments in the D3 world and gets stars in his eyes when he sees recruiting classes. He must have used the words “best ever” and “this is the year” thousands of times in his articles. Understandably, he gets tired of writing about the perennial top 2 teams in his region for the last 10 years, so any time a team in the region gets a few good recruits or shows some fall season promise, he’ll jump on the bandwagon and make 45 nicknames for the players on that team. With nicknames, it seems like he thinks putting song lyrics in the middle of someone’s name makes him a linguistic genius. I guess that’s pretty good for a senior citizen. He is right sometimes, but other times he gets caught saying just darn silly things in the early rounds of nationals. He can be the trendsetter that makes people believe in the breakthrough teams and makes you want to root for the underdog, or he can be the guy that tries to convince the blog team to go in on a lottery ticket pool.
The “Make the Blog Great Again” guy
This guy’s no nonsense attitude appeals to most and keeps the readers coming back to see what sort of snide and quite possibly offensive remark he’ll make next. Even though he has a penchant for posting offensive tweets, it doesn’t seem to hurt his likeability. He is always making campaign- er, article posting- promises that he has no chance of keeping come midnight. This guy is extremely up and down when it comes to making picks, kind of like his article posting. It seems like he binges in all aspects of his life: netflix, blogging, and drinking (No, we don’t want to play slap the bag). This guy takes immense pride from being the “headmaster.” He has lived up to that title by taking the time to reply to all sorts of emails, personally tweeting back at players and coaches, and sending in a picture of D3 ASouthwomens to the milk carton people. However, his math skills are questionable at best. The blog headmaster doesn’t know that percentages have to total 100%? Isn’t that part of everyone’s 6th grade math class?
The “5 O’clock Somewhere” guy
This guy has the life we wish we had. He probably takes naps throughout the day under palm trees and gets all the perks of being a tenured blogger, while sub-contracting out his articles to aspiring writers. He probably sips Mimosas with D Quazzo (a total bro) in his spare time. He writes maybe 3 articles a year, throwing in a rambling collection of match summaries and chalk predictions onto a computer screen. His bold predictions usually consist of projecting a result of “somewhere in the middle.” Somehow, he has a cult following of readers that gush over him in the comment section. We’re guessing they’re his parents but can’t be sure. That being said, he’s a super likeable and polite guy with a solid twitter presence and as soon as you’re about to forget about him, boom, he’s back and better than ever with articles like “The 10 Guys You Play in DIII Tennis”.
The Nice Guy
This is the type of writer that everyone should want to be covered by, but no one actually wants to be covered by him. He’s a new guy on the block, trying to find his footing and not wanting to offend anyone. Look elsewhere for bulletin board material. This guy is so nice that he would pick an awful fantasy team to make the other bloggers feel good about themselves. He probably has one of those coexist bumper stickers on the back of his prius. He will write articles filled with compliments and optimism for teams that really have no chance. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn’t, but regardless, at the end of each of his articles you’ll have a smile on your face and a glimmer of optimism. But let’s face it, no one has ever made it to the end of one of his articles.
Feel free to add your own fun comments or thoughts at the bottom of the article! Until the next preview… ASouth, OUT.