The 10 Guys You Play in DIII Tennis

One of the things we all love here at The Blog about Division III is that all sorts of players can be successful. In DI, pretty much all you see is your stock big guy with a big serve and a big forehand with a little variation from some international stars. In DIII, the tennis might not be quite as good, but it certainly is various.

1. The Big Dog

A team’s success often starts with these guys, so we might as well start with them. This is your Warren Wood/Adam Putterman/Joey Fritz kinda guy. They don’t really have a weakness, and they can beat you in a couple different ways. They’ve been around long enough to have accumulated at least a dozen nicknames, and they might even have an individualized team introduction move. I’ve never beaten one of these guys, but I imagine it would feel pretty good.

2. The Hype Man

I can’t say I’ve ever actually played this guy, but then again, nobody in the starting lineup has because the only time he ever gets on the court is for the #5 doubles match. That doesn’t stop him from shouting “That’s a break” at 30-love in the first game. They’re usually like 6’2″ and 180 lbs without an ounce of athletic ability in their whole body. They may or may not heckle from the fence and then look like this guy if the ump ever tells them to shut up.

3. The Talent

If you’re ever looking at the lineup of a 10-20 ranked team and see a 4-star playing #4 singles, you’re looking at the talent. He’s a player who only went DIII because he was pretty burnt out on tennis after high school, and he’s definitely gotten worse since getting to college, but Coach keeps him in the lineup because “he’s got so much talent.” He’s got sweet strokes, but you know he might fall apart if a butterfly wing lands on him between his first and second serves. This is a match you never stop fighting in and end up winning 0-6, 7-6 (0), 6-0.

4. The Doubles Specialist

You don’t see this guy often in the upper eschelons of DIII tennis, but he’s a mainstay in the 15-30 range. These are teams that don’t really have enough complete tennis players to make a solid doubles lineup, so they take a tall guy – perhaps a little overweight – with a big serve and put him at #1 doubles with their best player and hope for the best. He grew up in, like, Minnesota where he only played on indoor courts and never developed any grounds strokes, so he slaps every return. He closes really hard and subsequently shanks most of his volleys for drop shot winners. He’s the loudest guy on the court, and is drenched in sweat after a proset of doubles.

5. The Freshman

Ohhhhhhhh, the freshman. It’s usually pretty easy to spot the freshman. They’re usually a little smaller than the rest of the guys on the team because the conditioning hasn’t really shaped his body yet. The best time to see The Freshman is at ITA Indoors where they will often come out blazing. They’ve never played in a serious team environment before, and they love the noise… initially. If he’s the last guy on in a 4-4 match, however, he swallows his “COME ON!”‘s and his once-smooth strokes turn into little bunts. If he gets a ground stroke past the service line, it’s a freaking miracle. If he’s on your team, you know you’re screwed, but fret not, this guy will become The Big Dog soon enough.

6. The Nightmare

Here’s a player that’s completely unique to Division III. When you see him warming up, you wonder if someone forgot to tell the Club Team that there was a match today until you realize “oh crap, it’s The Nightmare… Please, don’t make me play that guy.” He’s pretty much always a middle-of-the-lineup guy. He’s a lefty who plays with two hands on both sides, and he’s usually wearing two different shoes, three layers of socks, and half a dozen braces. You play him, you lose 2 and 2. There is no other possible outcome.

7. The Token International Guy

Unless you’re NCW, you’ve probably only got one or two of these guys on your team if at all. This is the guy who got a cush financial aid package to come to your school from Suriname, and he was probably first chair cello in high school. He’s an absolute wall and likes to park a couple feet from the back fence. Nevertheless, he’s in superb shape and always manages to get to drop shots. His line calls will make you do this and if you call one of his 60 mph serves out, he does this.

8. The Werewolf

Here’s a guy who just isn’t that good when he gets to college. If he starts, he’s at like five singles, and he’s got goofy ground strokes. Then you see him in a box score the next season at #1 singles, and you think, “that’s the stack of the century.” Then you see him play, and it’s obvious that he’s turned himself into a Big Dog. He’s gained 20 pounds of muscle, he never misses, and he’s hitting his serve about 50 miles an hour faster than he used to. He’s usually a coach’s dream with like a 4.9 GPA, and he makes sure that he wins all the sprints in practice. Show off.

9. The DI Transfer

Here’s a guy who had been brainwashed into ignoring DIII throughout juniors and ended up accepting a scholarship to play at a midling DI team like UConn or Portland before they realized that it’s not incredibly gratifying to play #4 singles and lose 80% of your matches while some tyrannical coach runs your life. They end up transferring closer to home or to a better academic institution, and they’re generally fun to be around because they’re remembering that it can be fun to play tennis. Tennis-wise, these guys are among the best of the best, but they aren’t nearly as dominant as some NCAA commentators would like you to believe.

10. The Gamesman

The Gamesman is like the psychological version of The Nightmare. He’s a brain ninja who will do anything to get into your head and cauterize your cerebellum. Here’s a list of things he will do: show up to the match in a full leg cast, fist pump in your face after a double fault, hook, bump you on changeovers, act like an angel every time the ump is around, heckle your teammates between points, hook, hit the second ball to the other side of the court, serve with only one ball in his pocket, collapse in full-body cramps after one point before sprinting to a drop shot the next, act as though you’ve killed his first born child every time you call any of his shots out (regardless of whether or not it hit the fence before it bounced), and hook. He’s not a whole lot of fun to play, but there are few things more gratifying in life than beating him.

There you have it. This was a fun way to break away from the monotony of team previews, and I would love to hear some of y’all’s experiences if you want to comment.