Definitive Tweener Awesomeness Index

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Blog,

I want to take a quick moment to step on my soap box and talk about something that should be very important to all of us. I don’t want anyone to get uncomfortable, but there are times in this world when certain things must be addressed, and I think that this is one of those times, so let’s take a moment to come together as a tennis community around something that unites us all: tweeners.

The Kenyon twitter recently posted a video of this tweener and tried to send it to ESPN earlier this season:

This was hilarious for two reasons. The first is that they assumed that ESPN actually knew what tennis was. The second is that it’s a pretty sorry tweener. Don’t get me wrong; hitting a tweener during an actual point in an actual match, and then winning that same point in which the tweener was hit is always pretty exciting, but it got me thinking about what makes a tweener exceptional.

Once a rare commodity, tweeners have gotten so ubiquitous that teaching pros can do them pretty much any time they want to (here’s a video of that happening. It’s not a good video. I don’t recommend you watch it. I’m just citing my sources: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EG0TowgNzM). With that in mind, we set out to create a definitive tweener awesomeness index for you to use in your tennis-related sports conversations. (With thanks to the impecable Shea Serrano).

To start, we obviously need some ranking criteria. We did some brainstorming in the group chat to create a completely objective list, and here’s what we came up with

How impressive is the actual shot (ranked 1-25)?: Pretty simple. If the tweener is a shot that would be pretty difficult to execute while facing the right direction with a normal grip and not running full speed away from the net, then it’s probably a pretty good tweener. If it’s a tweener equivalent of a short ball, you’re not getting many points here.

Point importance (ranked 1-20)? Anyone can try a tweener on an unimportant point. If you try a tweener up 5-0 40-love on your serve and make it, I’m personally not that impressed because you can pretty much smack that thing as hard as your heart desires and have no fear of the consequences of missing.

Player/opponent reaction (ranked 1-25)? Much like a dunk in basketball, there are many possible great reactions to an awesome tweener. The crowd-point is a good reaction. The standard fist pump is a good reaction. Even the non-reaction can be a pretty good reaction in the right context.

Commentator’s Call/Crowd Reaction (ranked 1-25)? As we just learned from the Winter Olympics, a good commentator can take something that is inherently pretty exciting and make it WAY BETTER. Same goes for tweeners.

How close is the leg to the ground (1-5)? Pretty simple, the higher your leg is off the ground when you hit a tweener, the more you look like you’re a dog peeing on a fire hydrant: not impressive.

I’m gonna start us off with what is probably THE quintessential tweener. This is the tweener that most people first think of when they think of tweeners. It’s probably the tweener that made people who don’t know tennis even aware of the existence of something called a tweener (because for some reason even people who don’t know tennis somehow still like Roger Federer). Anyways, here’s the tweener.

 

How impressive is the actual shot (ranked 1-25)?: I guess a 90 mph crosscourt passing shot bullet is ok if you’re into that sort of thing. I’m not, but a lot of people are, so 22/25.

Point importance (ranked 1-20)? Debatable. On one hand, it gave him three match points in the semifinal of the US Open. If he loses the point, it’s 15-30, and they were still on serve at that point, so Djoker conceivably could’ve taken in to a tiebreaker. But at that point in the match, there wasn’t really much of a doubt who was gonna be winning that match. 15/20.

Player/opponent reaction (ranked 1-25)? Stellar. Federer’s reaction is amazing. He’s usually a pretty low-key guy, but he was so stoked, he struck a now-iconic starfish pose before fist bumping. What really puts this one over the top though is Djoker, who barely even moves for the ball before flicking his nose and giving the universal “pretty good” nod. He then proceeded to bounce the ball about 7,000 times before serving the next point. Shook. 24/25.

Commentator’s Call/Crowd Reaction (ranked 1-25)? Possibly the best part of this shot is deafening silence that falls over the crowd as the lob goes up. That silence was pregnant with triplets. Then McEnroe says “oh, not again,” immediately before the shot because he, like Federer, and like the crowd, and especially like Djoker, knew that Djoker was about to get absolutely and devastatingly owned. Then pandemonium. 25/25

How close is the leg to the ground (1-5)? Pretty freaking close, 5/5:

Overall, we can say that Federer’s tweener against Djokovic in the 2009 US semifinals was 91% awesome.

Now let’s apply the same scale to this, uhhhh, thing:

How impressive is the actual shot (ranked 1-25)?: You know, he hit the ball over the net and into the court, and his opponent didn’t immediately hit a winner off the shot. (He, in fact, did the exact opposite of that, which is to make an unforced error). 9/25

Point importance (ranked 1-20)? We don’t actually know the match score, but since it’s a regular season match against Ohio Wesleyan, we can assume that the point is not that important. 2/20.

Player/opponent reaction (ranked 1-25)? A smiling fistbump towards your friends in the crowd is actually a pretty great reaction. The fact that he didn’t freak out in any way gets more points because he clearly knows the tweener wasn’t that good, but mostly just fun. We don’t get the opponent’s reaction; probably not too happy about making an unforced error. 12/25.

Commentator’s Call/Crowd Reaction (ranked 1-25)? Now, DIII tennis players are at a clear disadvantage here because they don’t routinely have commentator’s (unless you play for Trinity, I suppose). Even so, the crowd was pretty pumped 10/25.

How close is the leg to the ground (1-5)? This is not a Federer situation. ⅕  

All in all, Michael Lui’s tweener against Ohio Wesleyan was 34% awesome

I know you’re thinking that’s pretty harsh, but let’s be honest, a DIII tweener is going to have a really hard time living up to a Federer tweener. It’s true. But let me show you the best DIII tweener I’ve seen recently, and we’ll see how it stacks up.

How impressive is the actual shot (ranked 1-25)?: I mean, it’s no Federer, but he hits the ball fast enough to get past an approaching opponent. An undoubtedly difficult shot 17/25.

Point importance (ranked 1-20)?  Again, we’re not at the US open, but any chance you have to clinch not just one match, but a whole team match with a single tweener, you get bonus points for that. (Minus points for the ambiance of another team warming up in the background) 9/20

Player/opponent reaction (ranked 1-25)? This is clearly the best part of the tweener. We’ve got what looks to be a double-racquet drop, which is extremely rare. Whaling’s racquet-drop-yell combo is good, but what really puts this tweener over the top is his opponent, who drops his racquet and just runs off camera. We don’t know where he went, but we can be reasonably certain that he’s still running and contemplating what decisions he made in life that led him to getting tweenered upon so viciously. 25/25.

Commentator’s Call/Crowd Reaction (ranked 1-25)? Again, no commentator, but the simul-OOOOOOOOOH from the fans is worth a good amount of points. Let’s say 16/25

How close is the leg to the ground (1-5)? Pretty hard to see with the video quality, but not great on the leg/ground ratio. 2/5

 

Overall, this Patrick Whaling’s tweener against an indistinct purple-clad midwest team was 69% awesome, or about 75% as awesome as Federer’s tweener against Djokovic, which is pretty awesome. I don’t think it’s going too far to say that this tweener set the tone for the rest of the Gustavus season, and is probably the biggest reason they made the Elite Eight.

There you have it. The definitive tweener awesomeness index, which I give to you now to use at your leisure. You’re welcome.

3 thoughts on “Definitive Tweener Awesomeness Index

  1. GAC attack

    Still massively underrating Whaling’s tweener. Clinched a win over rival Whitewater in a tight two setter! Also much more pace on it than you can’t see from the webcam

    1. D3West

      With this new information, the tweener garners an additional 3-5 points depending on the team and individual match score. Two things to keep in mind:

      The ranking system is objective and therefor there is no under or overrating, there are only alterations based on new information. For example, if Djokovic had not become one of the five best men’s players ever, the Federer tweener would be rated lower.

      Second, with the announcer/crowd reaction being worth 25 points, it is very difficult for a D3 tweener to compete with pro tweeners

      Nevertheless, I propose that the Whaling tweener may be the best in D3 history and I would be happy to rate any other submissions

  2. D3Landmark

    I have to wonder what happened to the poor guy Whaling eviscerated. I think you’re right that he’s still running somewhere.

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